Generation Gaps

As the largest Bengali festival of the year fast approaches, I've found myself reflecting upon everything about being an Indian-American. Just a typical 2nd generation kid contemplating about the meaning of her existence.

My roots are in Calcutta, West Bengal, the city where every one of my relatives, including my parents, are from (that is, after the 1947 Partition of Bengal and consequential exodus of millions of Hindus from Bangladesh to Calcutta). Every time we go to India, we go straight there, and a trip outside of Calcutta is considered a tourist venture. My "Indian" heritage is specific - in fact, Bengalis hardly associate with Indians outside of West Bengal. There's a massive cultural gap that includes a different language, different variation of religion, different genetics, different everything. I consider myself a Bengali first, Indian second.

It's interesting how each time I go to Calcutta, I'm a solid 3 years older, and henceforth my view is completely different. Each time, the city grows on me more. In some ways, I feel at home there. I get nostalgic thinking about that city. I'd like to say I identify pretty strongly with Calcutta.

Then comes the inevitable "So were you born in India?"

"Haha, no. I was born in an Illinois suburb".

I was born and raised in the USA. I've been attending American schools and living in American houses and having American friends and wearing American clothes...you get the point. For me, being American takes precedence over being Bengali (so I guess I'm actually Bengali second Indian third). In the 20-some years that my parents have lived in this country--many more years than they lived in India--they've gradually made the conscious decision to be more on the American side of the spectrum. We're hardly religious. Anything we participate in that has religious meaning will undoubtedly have some other, cultural dimension to it. Our house doesn't really have many Indian marks in it - other than the picture frames of not-so-white people. My clothing choices would never fly in the conservative value system upheld in India.

I'm not saying we're totally "white-washed." We eat Indian food usually 3 or 4 times a week. We still attend a few festivals throughout the year. My parents speak a mixture of Bengali and English to me that sounds like one native tongue. When I hear people speaking in Bengali in Calcutta, I understand the language perfectly. Unfortunately though, since I began schooling in kindergarten where we obviously spoke only English, I've lost any ability to reproduce Bengali. My attempts at forming a sentence are pathetic, and my pronunciation is atrocious. I've only retained some basic vocabulary.

And here comes the biggest, least tangible cultural aspect we retain - the values. I was raised in the USA, but with the values of a family in West Bengal. I'm sure most people can easily deduce the obvious ones - the focus on academics and general "achievement", dressing and acting conservatively, etc. But there are many many more nuances that I've slowly become aware of as I've grown up.

As I've been collecting a mental list in my head of what makes me "different" from the kids who have had generations of ancestors in the US, I can only wonder how many of these things I will retain in the future. I know most things have already changed - even my parents' values have changed since coming to this country. It makes me wonder how different my family will be. Will there be anything Indian about us? Obviously these thoughts are premature considering I'm in high school, but I still think about it. Unless I happen to marry a strict Bengali, the language will be lost. I doubt I'll be able to cook anything Indian. I'm pretty sure religion has already been lost in my generation of Rakhits. The only thing that has a possibility of rooting itself in my life 20 years from now is the values I choose to instill in my household. Right now, I'm at that stage where I'm making my own decisions, choosing my own set of morals to follow. I know there are some from my parents are keeping, and there are definitely some I've thrown aside. The latter is joining the other aspects of Indian culture that's getting lost in my generation. The former is most likely the one and only thing that I will be able to continue from my heritage.

It's interesting to have multiple dimensions in my culture. The fact that my kids (yes I'm assuming a lot about my future here) most likely won't have this kinda disheartens me a little. I guess I can only watch and wait to find out what little things do stick.