competition.

i was made to compete.

--be the best. you have to be first. it is no fun to lose.-- our generation has been taught these lessons our whole lives. yes, theoretically we have also been taught that "you're a winner as long as you do your best". false. we have been born and raised to compete whether we like it or not. in some sick and twisted way, almost every activity of our lives is some sort of competition. school. sports. music. friendship. status. wealth. since birth, we have been fed the idea that to be someone, we must aim to be the best at everything. we have been taught to relentlessly pursue after perfection. we. must. compete.

i was born competitive, and i will die competitive. lets just say that the competitiveness may run in the family. i can remember many monopoly games as a young child where my siblings or i would smash the board and leave the room in a fit of tears if we lost. i can remember my daddy telling me to always do my best and try my hardest during my little league basketball games. i would rather die on the court than lose. i was the girl who played every sport and was always aiming to be the best. my competitiveness was not only about sports. it was about anything. school too. literally anything that could be won, i wanted to win.

once i went to high school, i chose one sport to play. one sport to succeed in. one sport to master. one sport that i could be the best in. that sport was volleyball. is volleyball. volleyball isn't just a sport; volleyball is my life, and i absolutely love it. training hard and working hard is nothing compared to the glory of winning. competing on the volleyball court is what i was made to do. i love the concept of attacking the other team and defending your court. i live for the intense moments where adrenaline rushes through your body and propels you to make the play. losing is not an option. my heart breaks when i lose, but that feeling only drives my desire to win the next time.

honestly my addiction to physical competition is probably not healthy for my sanity. it might make it crazy. it might make me excellent. it might just make me average. but most importantly it makes me annika.